My Funky Dinosaur Site

i felt rather hot last night and i itched--gosh i didn't realize that i hadn't sunned and disinfected my comforter until like decades ago...so today morning i went out to sun it.

i saw a black cat nicely sleeping on the tray where we put the dishes and pots in the backyard...and it was purring when it saw me. humph!! so i took pains to scare the cat as much as possible and had to wash all of the stuff on the tray--gosh, no knowing what poisoning we might get in the end.

now trying to book a ticket to UQ--but i don't even know whether the interview has been successful or not. humph--whats taking them so long???

so now the comforter is sunning nicely in the backyard and i'll MAKE SURE the cat does not wallow in it or i'm gonna strangle that creature's neck i tell you...

these few days have been squelchingly hot and i can't bear anymore...pengsan...

adui adui adui

...i just live from day to day. i don't borrow from its sunshine, for its clouds may turn to gray...

how true.

today was a nightmare. it started from yesterday, when i received some bad news. i was so so so afraid and so worried i could not sleep the whole night..praying endlessly for someone. so much so i could not wake up the next morning.

mana tau kena marah.

and these few days, everyday oso kena marah. the thing with parents--when they are a distance away, they tend to argue more. and when they do, they take it out on us children. i oso have nothing to say...

everytime they argue, i have become the center person for more than a couple of times. and it gets tiresome. have to hear from both sides. i'm worse than a marriage counsellor.

and just now dad called--because of the financial crisis, i might not be able to go australia to study. the bright sunny future just suddenly turned gray. i worry endlessly.

somehow its not so easy to have the faith of a mustard seed...i can't even trust tomorrow to the Lord. its not as easy as it seems..

 

well, so yea, UNSW emailed me saying they accepted my applications already...O.o so meaning i now have 2 unis to choose from. and the 3rd one adelaide i sent in late they might accept me oso hahah...i think they might. but i'm not concerned because i didn't pay for THAT one...everything so mahal wan. cannot tahan....one application 100 aussie!!! thank goodness today when we bought the bank draft the aussie dollar went down from 2.94 to 2.721....phewwww...so time to start buying the dollars because all the prices also went down hahaha

online crapping again...okay, here i go randomly putting junk and filling up multiply O.o...

heh!! waited to frigging long for my IELTS to come...teruk la...and finally it came...and the results are---cheng cheng cheng....band 8!!! haha tak sangka aim band 8 really get band 8 O.o

well, the thing about staying at home i cannot stand the silence here. so, that means everyday i make noise just to keep myself from going insane. i know this sounds insane, but everyday i am already starting to pack for my aussie trip. i started making lists about which baju to bring etc etc already....walauuuu

anyway, every single day i clear up my room and throw plenty of stuff away--or give plenty of stuff away. the amount of clothes i have--pathetic. i'm starting to be like mei ling already--sleeping clothes THIS HIGH and go out clothes this high...-.-"

besides, i think i might be getting a bit lonely because the moment i wake up i start talking to myself adui. and i recall going downstairs and blasting the subwoofer with kung fu panda soundtracks...and then later on going upstairs and turning my handphone on. meaning 2 music going at one go...go upstairs oso got music, go downstairs oso got music. what a noisy house. ><

well, i suppose my neighbours must also be going crazy..especially those that stay next door. every single day i practice jay chou's secret and dou qin on my beloved piano--and i am rather a perfectionist, so everyday they hear the same thing over and over again. i admit, playing the piano is an addiction. so they suffer 3 times a day...morning after breakfast one dose of irritation; afternoon after lunch a second dose, and later at night a third. XD poor things--no wonder i see very little of them nowadays--they must have gone out to escape the noise. and my opposite neighbour who opens tuition--God Bless the students la. everyday sit in the class for an hour being annoyed incessantly with dou qin...peace be with their tortured souls

haihhh...gtg...need to practice driving...and then can drive my dad's car! whatever car i get--can drive can already--and does not blow up can already

i just attended Passion yesterday night. it was really awesome. its amazing how God can love people like you and me, regardless of what we did and what we are going to do.

i was concerned about one thing though...we might be all fired up and "holy" for a while after that, but when the emotions fade away, commitment is all that's left. and that's the hardest part. we as humans don't always stay committed to our real love. we tend to drop into the mundane flow of everyday sins and hurt God like we always have done.

i keep telling myself that this is going to change. after every conference, or event, or revival, i always say that its about to change. i'm not going to let dying emotions draw me away from God. then i realized that there's nothing wrong to feel this way. i can't always love God with the very very emotional feeling like when i'm in a concert. see, i learnt this through david. no--he didn't tell me anything, i guess God revealed a lot of things about me and Him through me and david.

when i and david manage to get together, to see each other, to hug each other and hold each other's hands, we simply don't think of anything else but each other. we don't worry about what we have done in the past to hurt each other; we don't think about in the future whether we will really be together or not. we simply enjoy each other for that precious moment.

so it is the same with God. when in that concert, it is like me and God are out on a date. we don't think about anything else but love for each other at the moment. we put judgements and pride aside--or any other distraction. last time, i felt that i was jumping and dancing too much. i felt that i was not exaclty praising God--i was only enjoying the music. but i remember last time when david and i just started, we were in the car and he liked the turn mp3 on when we were talking or doing nothing but simply holding each other's hands. we thought only about the music and the words...then i realized that it was nothing wrong to enjoy the music since every word i sing i mean it. its not wrong to dance with God or even simply enjoy myself with God--because that's what lovers do!!

i tried to find hwo to email louie--by the way if anyone knows louie giglio's email, can you let me know??

but when other days come--i don't feel very very passionate about david or miss him insanely like i sometimes do. again, the same thing--i can't feel passionate about God all the time--meaning emotion-wise. now i don't have to feel so guilty after all. its not wrong to feel the  emotions fading away--duhh we are humans after all--but then the same commitment that holds me and david together taught me the thing i should do with God. He is showing me so many things through david!! just like the same way i yearn to hear david everyday on the phone at least 5 minutes (international calls are expensive after all), i should yearn to hear from God, or just sit in his presence. there are times when God does not talk to us through the Bible or even through music. sometimes he talks to us through silence.

i remember there was this one time that i felt God was smiling at me. i really could see him smiling at me. i remember there were times xiu mei used to make my day by simply leaving chocolates or sweets on the door knob of my room (she didn't say she put it there but i know its her). so that night God was doing the same thing. there was no occasion--he simply wanted to drop me a little gift that would make me happy and sure that he loved me.

it was an average night like every night, i remember. then at night i suddenly woke up. i wanted to got to the bathroom. then, in the middle of the floor, there was a HUGE pool of moonlight!! the moon was so bright and so huge--and there was actually this large pool of such beautiful light spilling in on the floor. it was glistening i tell you--it was really really awesome. this incident happened years ago--but i will remember it to this day. and God has left me many many more gifts--whether big or small--and each one always made my day.

if you are a non christian and you are reading about this, let me share some of the love and joy i found in God, that nothing else on earth satisfies as much as He does.

people always think they have to do something to get back to God. the fact is, they can't. but since God is holy and we are definitely not, ther is a gap between us. but God is a Father, and how does a father love?? so God says "I am going to bridge the gap between you and Me."

a lot of people think then, why doesn't God simply just forgive, since He loves so much?? but the answer i think is this--because you forget that God is HOLY and He cannot tolerate sin. He is everything but sin!! so forgiving everyone would be unfair. and we would not appreciate it. let's just say there are 2 people, A and B. A is the righteous, upright kind of person and B is the rule-breaker kind of person. so if God merely forgave A and B together, would that be fair to A?? A can always say, "why do i have to be so good then??" and God is a fair and just God.

so God takes both A and B's punishment away (that's why the Bible says "he who has been forgiven little loves little, but he who has been forgiven much loves much--because A had not very much punishment and B has tonnes) and puts it on jesus. that is why jesus had to die on the cross and suffer the way he did. if he had not, we are the ones that would have to bear the punishment.

God loves us so much i cannot understand. He has done so many miracles i never thought was possible--there are some times i cannot believe that He actually grants me dreams that come true and things that come true are bigger than my dreams--and my dreams are already huge!!!! God is just so beautiful to me--He makes my life worth living. every day i have something to look forward to...and my life has a meaning--a purpose. to share His wonderful love with everyone.

trust me, God loves you whether regardless of what you have done. there's nothing to prove. you may not understand WHY he loves you, but you understand HOW He loves you that's enough (He sent His only son to die that cruel death just for the sake of your punishment--and i bet that time you didn't even know about Him yet). He already gave you such a wonderful gift (because if Jesus didn't die, how are we sinners going to go to heaven??)--what else more can you ask for??

He loves you so much that He is willing give something so precious just so we can spend eternity with Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can type and type forever exclaiming God's awesome and amazing love--so much so i cry just thinking about it. I'm so in love with Him!!!

gtg...mom needs me to talk to tonight. she is having a lot of emotional problems too...you who are reading this, whoever you are, may God bless you and i will be praying for you!!! God is nearer than you think--He's just outside the door of your heart, knocking, asking for you to give Him a chance to love you. He's not asking for anything but for a chance to love you!!! isn't that just awesome!!!!!

just celebrated fatimah's 19th birthday in jegan's house. wahh i tell you we had a lot of fun playing games drinking. noooo...not drinking any hard drink because of fatimah--but coke was enough to drive us sick.

soph, sanjay and dharma WERE in fact sickening--but i don't deny it was really torturing haha. drinking a mixture of coke, sprite, kikapo and goodness knows what else--i tell you, it was gassy enough to gas a few balloons. and the funny thing is?? we drank every single drop!!! it was equivalent to one human drinking a1.5 litres of gassy soda!!! we are insane people i tell you.

but fatimah had a great surprise alright. pauline tricked her into believing that we all could not make it to the party hahah...what a joke. we had cake--but the jokerof the night was sanjay--he was really getting sick and weird--and the i will never forget the moment when he said, "i love fatimah" instead of the "fatimah is a good girl" as we were supposed to do when drinking. XD

there was cake and also plenty of pizza--and we ate everything (well, almost everything up) ahaha. greedy pigs--i only ate a slice of pizza and soph ate the amount. the guys ate the rest up--and you know how much they actually ate??? goodness!!!

when i came back, i found that my brother LATCHED the door and i could not even get him to wake up. so in the end i climbed in and opened the door of my own accord, using the window. and i found, to my horror, he didn't boil the water, he didn't even run the machine!!! goodness--i tell you, if i had not said "eat dinner", he would not have eaten any by now...i can't believe that he actually did not use his head at all!!!!!!

gtg sleep now--its already 5am in the morning!! byebye

there are times when i feel my relationship was so beautiful and now it is still beautiful but very very far away...david is already in singapore--he messaged me this morning. yesterday night i went absolutely crazy. i played DotA from 9pm until 3am in the morning...i gila already. first time got a Godlike streak--9 kills 0 death phew...finally no one can call me a dinosaur...i'm satisfied. so i achieved one goal in this hols--that is managed to learn how to play DotA. i don't think i want to touch it again. because, the computer keep on crashing...i tell you last night i play until very very song already--already bought the agnahim scepter at level 20...then computer hang. sheeshhh..frustrating.

i still am a super noob--because so far i only practiced on lina inverse. but well--leaning how to play on one hero is better than none. can u imagine i play Lord of Olympia i kena pawn?? walauuu--noob until like that...sad case

anyway, last night i couldn't sleep. i have not been able to sleep for the past few nights thinking about him and missing him. you can say i am crazy, but well--there are times when i can get crazier still. its very very hard to say when you love a person this much and you do not get the cahnce to see him. and now, even the chance to TALK to him is falling away. what can get worse??

people are very very "comforting". they think he's so near. but actually he's so far away!!!!

hate them always thinking that i can always go and see him anytime. do they have ANY idea how difficult it is to visit him?? where am i going to get the money for the journey, now that i do not have pocket money?? and how am i going to go s'pore alone, when my parents won't allow me to go visit him?? how is he going to visit me when he's working 6 days a week and money is so tight?? and he does not have an internet line yet--and BOTH OF US cannot afford the phone bil???

people, do you have any idea what it means to be totally cut off--its not that simple you know!!!

just chatted with a few people and they are all telling me the same thing--aiya sure can wan la--s'pre not far away...and blah blah blah...must trust him...must this must that...

you tell me a time when you had to leave someone you loved the most at the peak of your relationship and cannot even go near him--not because you didn't want to but because you COULD NOT!!!

i am complaining because i am alone at home--mom gone to see dad in Indon already and brother having monthly test...and yea, i have to cook and keep house and STUDY (but i'm skipping classes now--cannot tahan already) and i cannot see anyone--my house is so isolated and the nearest busstop is half an hour's walk away!!! and i cannot drive--i cannot see anyone man---i think i can go crazy.

thats why i said i'm lonely. thats why i said YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT CAN GET--HAVE YOU ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE??? i think so far only jegan knows what i mean when i say you have to leave a person far away. and even then not so far. sophia might und--jared leaving for UNSW.

gtg cook lunch for brother...

there are times when i really really miss INTI...cannot tahan la at home...i feel so so so lonely and left out when i see pictures of people who are still in INTI. when i saw the CF closing ceremony photos, i felt like so so so miss INTI. dunno why--like i no longer belong to INTI (which is, in a way, very true)

thats one thing about me that i have been struggling with, and that is change. i hate change. sometimes, there are certain things which until now i have not learnt to let go yet--but the thing is when will i ever learn?? in my mind, i just realized that i have this feeling that i still belong to INTI and it just does not occur to me that INTI life will now only be a beautiful memory forever. i just cannot accept the fact that INTI days are now over...and when i step into my new class i just find my new classmates very very hard to accept. i don't think they can accept me either...they look at me like they have never seen a human before (like i said and will always maintain).

only one girl so far has smiled at me of her own accord--i like her. she seems very friendly and open...so far thats the only one. and she's a new girl at that--admire her friendliness--wish i could do that sometimes--but my friendliness depends on mood wan hahaha

i wish campus days would soon come--now i having trouble trying to find the right uni. i'm forgetting melbourne for the time being--probably UNSW la. see jared there lol

trying to find out whats the best thing to do during the hols...gtg my mom wants to use the comp dammit

byez

you very well know that people go crazy when they are left alone for too long. and so can i. i've been at home for like--ages and ages already. and everyday i feel like skipping classes more and more...

my new classmates are colder than ice man--they stare at me like they have never seen a human before. the only thing i like about studying because its so easy to catch--and the lecturer knows how to explain it clear and well--its almost like he knows i have no background at all. like his teaching.

but there's such thing called homework you know...

then mom and bro sick (mom has this thing called migraines and headaches all the time due to pa's absence) and bro sprained his ankle. so now the household work i do..but its good practice and sometimes i do enjoy it haahaa

david is going off soon--why am i moping about like this mannn hahaha--teruk la me

this hols, i am starting to learn DotA...also trying to learn the secret "dou qin" pieces. so far the first one coming nicely--can play smoothly already just not fast enough. and i need to lose weight this hols adui--i am starting to look like a pork pie already.

anyway, dad just finished his PhD (did i mention that earlier?) and as a celebration, we had lobster for dinner. more luck came because that lobster had roe!!! and we ate everything up...it was ironic because when the food came, we started saying things like, "oh man, we need to pack this home already" or "i don't think we can finish this" hahah and in the end?? we ate everything up including fruits for dessert!!! can't believe this family--a whole bunch of pigs. heehee

gtg sleep now--enough rambling...need to get up early tomoro to learn up the secret...i played it today and did not go back into the past hehehe...either my playing got all the wrong notes or my piano not special XD

gdnite my dino site!!

hey i'm glad mannn--david finally found a proper job and i think it is very very good that he actually managed to find one, with the pay he demanded and in singapore too!!! God has been good...

and i think that with all his experience and the way he handles things, david should have no problem at all settling in his new job, even if it IS in singapore...i have complete confidence in him.

and the thing is, i trust him even with distance. i hope my trust is not in vain--but i should think my trust is very very well placed. only thing is--i am so going to miss him...

i miss everyone at INTI too..INTI life is just--amazing--i will never ever forget it--ever. it was the most beautiful times of my life. especially towards the end where i got closer with my CG members and sophia and meiling and also my other classmates---things were just beautiful

and i met david there!! i can't believe i am flying off so soon--headache only--wish things were easier for us but i guess there are times when love must be tough. well...all things work for good for those who trust in him.

both mom and dad completed their Masters and PhD respectively--my dad is now Dr. Liew haahaa--but don't trust him--he doctor for plants only wan

reaching my last lap of the a levels marathon...like dad always says, very very hard to keep on track!!! i find myself distracted more and more...sad huh.

anywayz, people, sorry for not updating this site very often now...like i mentioned--exam la the culprit...later first i upload all the funny photos ok???

byez

 

record break ad!! yayyyy no more tampons!!!! eeeshhhh they hurt like (let's face it) hell. because i am still virgin (thank Goodness) the hymen sumore opening so small--regular also cannot use. and then had to go buy again the mini ones and use lubricant...durex brand sumore adui adui...not to do anything but JUST TO PUT THAT CACAT TAMPON IN...and the cashier looked at me, then she looked at david, then she just marked the price and asked me to pay but the look on her face very awkward XD

at least i learnt how to use it

anywayz, i swim until very cacated la--with the tampon sumore---flipping was big trouble. and i dunno how to flip until that night at the 12-2am slot. i only had 2 slots (thank God again) that was 12-2am wednesday and 6-8pm on thursday. well, they both went very well. and frisbee people were there to support me on wednesday but other than that most of the time i felt like a stranger...

anywayz...at least i got the cert and got to participate (thats the most important thing). no more for me!! maybe i want to go for INTI idol...see how the schedule is like 1st then only i decide.

gtg--byebye!!! very very stress thinking about work work, and more work.

at first, i thought i was going to be scared because i didn't really know who i was going s'ban with. then, after a while,i found out it was better and better. wendy was chatty, and she was quite friendly. we got along like super well??? and she was fun to be with. shao fang, too, was very entertaining...she was very, very cute hahaha...

i know that i wasn't very good at mixing with new people last time--now its getting better and better. i'be improved!!!

and i have a few more things to improve: i need to learn how to conserve my energy for my studies; i need to learn to play sports really well; i need to learn how to play comp games and TV games; and i need to learn how to play bass in CF better. at least i am working on all of them and i find that, well, i am not too bad after all!!! one more thing i need to learn--i need to learn how to shop. its funny, right--a girl needs to learn how to shop??? headache headache...

anywayz, watched p2 today...the movie was really, really terrible...it was super cheap, low cost production and i really didn't get the motive of the story at all. it was all about this psycho guy who was after a girl, and it only relied on the element of shock. my friends screamed a couple of times hahaha...but not scary at all, and a bit yucky. and so weird--the gril scratched her nails on the floor a few times then the nail came out??? either her nails were pasted on all the time or she didn't have enough calcium in her diet...and the 911 line so hard to get aiyoyo...if really like that i think america dunno how many people die ad..

at least it was better than black sheep--black sheep was stupid. why do i end up watching stupid movies because people drag me there??? haizzzzzzz

hahah...need to go training because am joining the 120 hours m'sian book of records swimming thing held by INTI college--hope i qualify...

and i hope the timetable doesn't clash with CF camp!!!

recently, i've been thinking hard about some things. thinking about what i've been through, and what i'm going through, and figuring what i will go through in the future. and i look and see, God has definitely brought me farther and farther all the way. sometimes, i wonder what i did to deserve such nurture and care He gave me. He could have put me into a broken family like david's, and there would i be the same person that i am today??? of course not...so i really thank Him and praise Him for being so wonderfully faithful to me.


i was in CG today, and was reminded again how precious i am actually to God. a masterpiece!! now i am an artist, but i didn't really produce any masterpiece for all 18 years of my life.. the pieces that i once thought were masterpieces are now jokes to me. only one drawing remains...the one of a girl with a dove....that also accidentally drew and found out, wowww........

but i think today's CG was a bit draggy and the questions asked were sometimes a bit redundant. the question was so simple, "do you think you are God's masterpiece??" it is already stated in the Bible, kawan!! see, the question is definitely faulty. do you KNOW you are or do you THINK you are God's masterpiece is a totally different thing altogether. what you think doesn't matter at all right--you may feel that you are not good enough for the Lord but what does it matter?? feeling is a different thing you know!! what you FEEL and what you KNOW are two very different things altogether. you ARE good enough for God and you should know it. what you feel is a bit out of consideration in this matter. see, a lot of people do things based on feelings. i do, too, and i used to do everything based on feeling as well. but now, the important things i leave to the "just awakened" logic part of me (thanks to david). today's discussion, no need say so much wan. the answer is so clear...i think, people need to stop talking based on what everybody already knows and start sharing about their different personal point of view, which should be sincere and carefully thought over. sometimes in discussion, people tend to "overtalk" and rush into answering the questions as well as share their testimonies, relevant or not. but some testimonies are quite good---today vincent's testimony about his job made me think again.

basically, i think we talk too much and fail to think very very carefully about what we are saying. i think charles did his homework alright. today what he said also made me think. and i am really amazed at how wonderfully we are made!!! 96 years???!!!!!! woooo

today ngam ngam caught mr wong as he was going back to hand in my assignment. i think i will get very low mark hahah...i dunno how to do the 2nd question properly...and i think chem this time will get higher mark. i really put a lot of effort into thinking about chem and i realized i can do it fast!!! hebatnya i am learning more things about myself. and today, i saw a poster in INTI that set my processor running again--it said "if you never try to do new things, you will never grow"...yea all of us know that. the thing is, do we practice it or not??? i for one, do not practice it well at all. i have very little confidence in myself, and i prefer to have other people beckon me to try it and try it together with me then only i attempt new stuff. but i realized it is not going to help me. so now my motto in life is," THINK CAREFULLY WHY YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING (ESPECIALLY THE IMPORTANT THINGS), AND THEN DO IT, AND NEVER REGRET OR BE ASHAMED OF IT."

simple??? but not so easy to carry out ooo


when you think why you want to do something, you must consider whether it benefits you and other people as well or not. when you want to say something, think whether the other person needs to hear what you are saying or not. sometimes i say random things to david like, "next next week i am playing bass in CF" it may sound very unimportant that time, but with the little bits of information i am feeding him, he actually gets a clearer picture of how my life is really like since i only see him for dinner, and even then not everyday. so by letting him know bit by bit, he gets a better idea of who i am and what i do everyday (even the mundane things!!) hahah liwei so jobless

ok gtg...stop nagging here...going to sleep now...am so tired...gdnite

here i am busy crapping away..i am back in seremban. dad's off to aussie ad...won't see him until some time later--hope i can keep my small family company...

lately been crapping far too much so much so i am a joker in the house, my room in INTI and also in class...

not going to genting...anywayz they'll be plenty of chances to go on trips later on--not necessarily must go genting--some other time also can, even if we already finish studying at INTI...can always janji to meet up. where there's a will, there's a way...

baru kena marah by mom--she feeling quite stress gua...pa not around ma so she got many things to do (many MORE things--already she working and studying at the same time)...have to learnt to be patient--i dun think she mean it wan. she asked me to throw away a lot of stuff. some quite precious to me...and she asked me not to keep so many memories if not my life very burdened--those things are very valuable to me and i tell you, in my house there is no neater place than my wardrobe!!! but i think she too stress gua

there is one thing now i learn that she hasn't learnt yet...to be still and patient. i took that skill recently (from the passage in corinthians)...by learning how to love, i realize it came in a package--to learn how to be patient as well

so i am practising it RIGHT NOW as i'm sitting in the study room waiting for bro to clear stuff and mom is busy yelling at him--it's such a headache

but there are times when i feel like there's still no place like home after all

here's my personality--i'm a sanguine-melancholic


The San-Mel:

san-mels are highly emotional creatures who fluctuate drastically. they can laugh hysterically one moment and burst into tears the next. it is almost impossible for them to hear a sad tale, observe the tragic plight of another person, or listen to melancholy music without weeping profusely. they genuinely feel the griefs of others. san-mel doctors, for instance, always display the best bedside manners. ordinarily they make fantastic instructors, teachers and college professors--and are easily the most popular instructors on campus. almost any field is open to them, especially public speaking, acting, music and fine arts. however, san-mels reflect and unhibited perfectionalism that often alienates them from others because they verbalize their criticisms. they are usually people-orientated individuals who have sufficient substance to make a contribution to other lives--if their egos and arrogance don't make them too obnoxious that others become hostile to them.

one of the crucial weaknesses of this temperament blend prevails in his thought life. both sanguines and melancholics are dreamers, and thus if the melancholy part of hs nature suggests a negative train of thought, it can nullify the san-mel's potential. it is easy for him to get down on himself. in addition, this person, more than most others, will have both an anger problem and a tendency towards fear. both temperaments in his makeup are prone to insecurity; not uncommonly, the san-mel is afraid to utilize his potential. such a person should always work with people. being admired by others is so important to him that it will drive him to a consistent level of performance. of all sanguine public speakers, the san-mel will be most accurate in his statistics and organized in his presentation. he has a great ability to commue with God, and if he walks in the Spirit, he will make an effective servant of Christ.

King David is the biblical classic example of a san-mel. an extremely likeable man who attracted both men and women (charisma), he was colorful, dramatic, emotional and weak-willed. he could play a harp and sing, he clearly demonstrated a poetic intinct in his psalms, and he made decisions on impulse. unfortunately, like many san-mels, he fouled up his life by a series of disastrous and costly mistakes before he gained enough self-discipline to finish out his destiny. not all san-mels, of course, are able to pick up pieces of their life and start all over again. it is better for them to walk daily in the Spirit and avoid such mistakes.

here i am crapping again to myself...waiting for the nail polish to dry and it is taking such a long time hahaha

not that i am that vain (all girls are vain to certain extent) but that i got nothing to do. so, on impulse, i decided to stick the nail stickers and do them. but they were causing me some trouble though--the stickers i got was the hard kind and i wasn't so sure if they really fit or not--spent some time trying to make sure they were on my nails to stay

thinking about how much i have to do for this exam--people, i think this exam is hardly an exam at all. this is merely a training for the real world we are about to encounter. and what am i fighting so hard for??? it's so me to be kiasu, fight for straight A's and things like that...but i came to realize it was not worthwhile. true, straight A's would be good but if i were realistic, i know this exam'll bring me 2A and 2B. that's my expectation

sometimes i overstress myself and almost kill myself by falling sick and all that. it's not the way. sometimes david says "you so stressed for this exam, other things i dunno how lo" and he's right as he always is. it's not worth my killing myself.

so i shall do my best and leave the rest--i always thought i could do things on my own but now i realized that i have to trust God for the real thing. i was always sure that i could handle anything by myself until some point in my life, things started going haphazard for me and then i wasn't sharp enought to see the lessons were for me. just brushed it aside

too bad i learnt it a little late--but not too late.

polish dry...it's been awful trying to type without proper use of the index, third and fourth finger on my right hand hahahah

adios

feeling gan jiong because i'm waiting for dinner time to come--i always get so hungry and even when i eat, sometimes i eat like an entire army. david said i have worms (humph)

now waiting for the barley to get boiled nicely--not adding gingko or other stuff because i got lazy. just want to make something sweet to drink. i made kesari (some red indian cake) last week and the whole room smelt of butter, but it turned out OK. david said not nice pfffftt (comfirm he doesn't like indian cake)

oh well

exams coming up--why am i still experimenting with the cooking pot--oh yea by the way next time if i get the chance i will certainly try making the honeydew sago ad...but the sago, because i had no sifter, became all clumped together and the taste was funny. originally the honeydew drink was OK but after adding the sago---phewwww--tasted just weird

i admit i am not much of a cook but better do some experiments now than suffer later (having people laugh at me) because i am the cause of food poisoning in the area. hahaha

went to my dad's colleagues' raya open house and ate hot stuff like nobody's business...i didn't know so happened that day i worked up a mood for hot stuff--and i ate what the malays couldn't eat (they said the sambal sotong was fierce--and i ate like a plateful of it without realizing)

walauuuu

but after that i paid the price for being greedy lah--see i can;t eat hot stuff so when i do, my stomach will suffer. dad said i'm a pig

having trouble with brother--being rebellious like i was when i was his age. i'm sorry i said the things that i said to him. originally, all i wanted to do was correct him but i realized that some of the things that i said, and when i looked back at my own lifestyle, was very much worse than he. i spent the whole night having nightmares because that night God was trying very very hard to say something to me. the way i read my Bible is this--i randomly flip and there he will answer me. sometimes when i have a question i just flip open and ta-da there the answer is. sometimes also when i flip, i realize that i keep coming to the same issue or subject, so i better take a closer look and try to see what He is trying to tell me.

and that night, i kept flipping to the part where Jesus was talking about pharisees and saducees and scribes and all the important jews. and i realized something-- i was like a pharisee. whitewashed tomb, with dead man's bones inside. i realized as much as i appeared "holy" and "good" to people, i am hiding many things (i know myself) inside which people don't know that i am guilty of doing. so what right have i to correct my brother? when i am a worse sinner myself? at least when he sins he doesn't care the whole world knows but when i sin, i am afraid to confess and even afraid to face it. this is a battle for me.

the next day i was trying very very very hard not to judge, but i can tell you it is not easy. i had to pray so many many times just saying "God, i am no judge and i'm a worse sinner"...and then i would concentrate on worship, and suddenly i start to criticize inwardly. it's very hard for me to stop judging people when i know myself that i am worse. rebukes are fine--if done with the right attitude. but sometimes when you rebuke with a feeling that "this guy--really ar--can't he see that what he's doing now is...?????" and then you really have to stop and check yourself. many many times we think we rebuke in love (we really feel that is the case) but seriously speaking, we aren't. so think about things very very carefully before you say anything about anyone.

i am guilty of judging people myself so i shall stop nagging--just to remember what happened so when i read back my blog, i get to be reminded (people forget fast--especially me)

ok...barley ready...byebye

so here i am, sitting in front of the computer feeling sad i lost so much data due to stupid black eyed peas (i'm gonna sue fergie) that was downloaded but so happened to be copyrighted. eeww.

well well

exams coming up soon--quite scary la...i wonder how am i going to cope...because i tried studying today morning and it was rather a failure. i kept feeling very very sleepy and practically nothing went into my head. progress is very very very slow and i'm desperate because i have 2 parts to study (that's only 1 subject!!!) that is physical and organic chemistry...and i haven't even finished organic.

sometimes i really wish i would faint then i wouldn't need to study so hard. there are times also my head is killing me. no wonder the "minyak cap kapak" company is prospering so beautifully--they are preying on those people who have to struggle with work and study and all...or addicts like loong wahahah

my silly hair is falling all over the whole place--please please grow faster then i can stuff you behind my ears lahhh

ouch ouch--stomach pain--waiting to eat dinner but am getting a bit of gastric now...why lah have to wait all the time...oh man

i've gotten my voice back--i can sing the high notes already now!!! good good...at least my effort is not wasted--like last time, i practiced everyday for almost around 3 to 4 months trying to hit the upper upper A note (the highest note for the song phantom of the opera) and when i finally hit it, exams were creeping up

so i stopped practicing for a while and you know what...it was back to square one. wah sien

anywayz i got the higher G back but not A yet...close close...will let you all know when i got it wahaha (so SS--syok sendiri)

byebye my poor extinct site (it really is extinct now--sad sad sad sad sad)